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Monday, August 21, 2017

Dragged Through The Desert

This morning, as I sat eating breakfast, I looked down at my injuries recent injuries from mountain biking.

I realized that I have many new scars from crashing on my bicycle while riding the nearby trails.

Then I realized that I could attribute the scars that existed prior to getting back on my mountain bike as the result of being dragged through the desert by the psychotic federal officer who assaulted Sophie and I just six months ago.

Those recent scars from my bicycling, of which there are many, I believe I risked getting because I wanted them to overwhelm the painful reminders that the initial scars I received when I and my service dog Sophie were assaulted in the desert by a federal officer.

While I understand that many victims of violent crimes – such as when Sophie and I were assaulted in the desert by a federal officer- particularly the disabled, like me, often lose their sense of self to the degree that suicide becomes an option that’s preferable to living with their inner pain.

Having experienced a childhood living with a father who regularly assaulted me as the federal officer did in the desert, I am a survivor.

Though I’d never choose to experience that same sort of life again, it will take a great deal more than threats from a troubled young man to subordinate me.

I have researched the subject of childhood abuse survivors thoroughly over the years. Among many things other researchers have found in their professionally constructed studies, childhood survivors of abuse, as adults, don’t believe they’ve survived an abusive parent to give in to anyone afterward.

I’m one such person, though I do feel, as anyone would, occasional sadness that I know is attributed to having been attacked, then wrongfully accused of assault as Sophie and I were in the desert in February, 2017.

Why that happened, at all, I don’t know. But I do know that fate is not so cruel as to allow that to occur without good reason.

That said, my only my conclusion is that the assault Sophie and I suffered in the desert at the hands of a sick person in uniform means I’ll have to discover what the significance of that lesson is.

It’s meant to go beyond the concept of being disabled and traveling alone. That said, I know it’s part of that learning experience.

Being disabled and traveling with a service dog in the presence of any opportunistic person, and not just a sick federal officer, nevertheless leaves me open as a mark.

Unfortunately, the attack I experienced in the desert by that sick federal officer extended beyond me to include Sophie as well.

Sophie, like me, is as innocent as can be. Yet, also like me, she was vilified as some sort of attack dog.

But Sophie is universally loved everywhere she goes by everyone she meets. There is nothing intimidating about her demeanor or expression.

It’s actually the other way around; she loves people, and people love her. For me, the hardest part of being her handler is telling people that “she’s working,” and that nobody can touch her as she works. I have to give permission for anyone else to do so first.

Only two people have ever found her to be a threat to them, and both of them-including the federal officer who wrongly assaulted her in the desert-have hurt her terribly.

Giving Sophie’s innocence at being assaulted by that federal officer, and given the pain that he needlessly put her through, I would be remiss if I did not speak up for her, for she cannot do so for herself.

I, however, cannot only speak up for her, but for both of us. We were attacked by someone in a position of authority, then that person, that sick person who violated all concept of conscionable behavior, covered up his actions by colluding with other officers to cover up his crime.

That federal officer who attacked us is the person who belongs behind bars and in the treatment of a capable psychotherapist. He has terrible problems to the point where his actions are criminal.

There is no shame in seeking help professional help for the problems he is dealing with. In fact, it’s the reason I was returning to Fort Collins – to seek help for many some long-standing PTSD issues of my own.

Because of those issues, I am able to often able to see such behaviors in others, as with this federal officer who assaulted us.

In that sense, I am also speaking out on behalf of the federal officer who attacked us. I know that he knows he needs help, and reestablishing a conscience, then learning to act on it should be his first order of business.

But in the macho, face-saving world in which he lives and works, he is unable to, trapped among the his cohorts who would see his need to seek help as a weakness.

In his world, there is no escaping the countervailing forces within him that on one hand tells him he needs help, and on the other makes him fight against that need.

But not until such time that he stops covering up his need for professional psychotherapeutic help will he be able to stop hurting other people, like the assault he committed on Sophie and I.

My words do not have any vindictiveness behind them. I live only with Sophie, and am quite content in so doing for now.

I am not put out in any way by living my life in this form of wrongful reparation to a federal probation officer who must be intrusive in order to properly do her job. I’ve nothing to hide, and never have, though I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t sometimes feel the indignity of the process.

But the federal officer who assaulted us did not know this, and it does not absolve him in any way of his crime, nor does it absolve those other officers who, in aiding the federal officer in his assault on us; they are also complicit of a crime.

Sophie and I were wrongfully assaulted in the desert. Even though my personal life is not affected by this wrongful accusation, for which I plead guilty under the pain of having to choose to do so or risk having my service dog of eight years be euthanized. It was a threat the complicit offers were well aware I’d have to submit to, and it was more than enough to adequately hide their crimes.

I did nothing wrong, and neither did Sophie to deserve the physical and emotional pain this federal officer who assaulted us created.

My conscience, unlikely that of the federal officer who assaulted us, is clear.

As I stated, I came here to Fort Collins for help anyway. The federal officer who assaulted us only added to that list of other post traumatic issues with which I’ve dealt for most of my adult life.

The assault by that federal officer in the desert is simply one post traumatic issue among many others. It’s why I traveled alone in the desert in the first place, to have time to process my long-standing issues.

The federal officer who assaulted us exemplifies the sort of stress many other law enforcement officers feel in the line of duty. They also are unable to step away from the machismo of their world.

This, I believe, is the reason many innocent bystanders are shot and killed by law enforcement officers who have crossed the line from their rightful law enforcement duties into the wrongful world of crime.

Often, as in the case of the federal officer who assaulted Sophie and I, these officers are placed on administrative leave and usually receive the court’s benefit of the doubt and are found not guilty he by the presiding judge.

Knowing this, many officers act with brutality and violence, as with the federal officer who assaulted Sophie and I.

They know they can act with impunity, for they will have the backing of the judge as well as their uniformed cohorts.

Since each of their cohorts may well also be suffering that internal struggle of right versus wrong, they are well aware they might be the one who commits the next crime, as did the federal officer who attacked Sophie and I.

It’s only too easy to cover up their crime, or to seek help in covering up their crime as did the federal officer who attacked us.

At one point, perhaps early in their law enforcement career, they had some semblance of a conscience. This may include the federal officer Who attacked Sophie and I.

But the officer who attacked Sophie and I had long since crossed that line and, I’m certain, assaulted many other innocent people prior to assaulting Sophie and I.

The threats he whispered into my ear through clenched teeth are evidence of this.

In conclusion, the federal officer who attacked Sophie and I needs professional help.

It’s my contention that he should be relieved of his duties, placed on an “administrative leave” in which he can no longer carry any weapons nor be a threat to anyone else.

It would likely be beneficial for him to spend some time in jail in order to realize what his actions result in, as they did for me after he attacked my service dog and I in the desert.

Afterward, the federal officer who attacked us should be examined by a mental health professional to determine if it is safe for him to reenter society in his former line of duty.

Chances are, a week of incarceration will not be enough for him to overcome the countervailing internal struggles with which he is dealing.

For him to return too quickly to the macho, face-saving world in which he once worked will only facilitate his relapse into his former behaviors.

If society is to be safe from such law enforcement officers who are actually thugs with a badge who are well aware they can act criminally, as did the federal officer who assaulted Sophie and I, will never make society a safer place.

In reality, the opposite will occur. Law enforcement officials, or those who undertake the rule of law enforcement among other duties, such as the federal officer who attacked Sophie and I, are a danger to the safety of society.

If they are feeling somehow on edge or negatively affected by their internal struggle between right and wrong and are suddenly triggered, innocent individuals like Sophie and I will never be safe from criminal behaviors of these officers, like the one who assaulted Sophie and I in the desert.

It’s my sincere hope that one day, all people who are struggling with an internal fight between resolving their past or continuing to create harm for others will find peace in their hearts.

Hopefully, they will also one day be strong enough to set a good example for their cohorts and perhaps even inspire them to find help for themselves.

Again, there is no shame in seeking help for yourself. Just the opposite is true; the kind of strength required for an individual to openly state “I need help,” might be the hardest thing they will ever do.

Again, I hope such people will one day find inner peace.





       


     


     





   








       



















 

















 



       



 



 


     












     


   





 


 


   








       



   









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